Randy Exclusive
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I know the Ozone Awards went down Monday night, so technically I’m late with this drop. But fuck that, I was tired and had to recover before I wrote anything about the show. This past week in Miami was the craziest, most psychically exhausting and mentally challenging week of my life since Bodie got murked off The Wire. Yeah, yeah, yeah…Lil Wayne, T-Pain and DJ Khaled won big and the Rick Ross, Plies and Young Jeezy performances were hot but no one spoke about the days of not sleeping and eating the Ozone and TJ’s DJ’s staffs put in to make the event go down properly.

But I’m not here to bitch and whine about the hard work we put in over the past few months. No. Instead, my disgruntled, haterish ass has decided to handout my own set of awards because you fucking rappers get on my cot damn nerves.

RANDY EXCLUSIVE'S PERSONAL OZONE AWARDS WINNERS:

Who The Fuck Do You Think You Are Award: Young Jeezy

Da Snowman showed up at the awards and this negro brought every muthafucka from Atlanta, dressed them in CTE t-shirts and expected to get all of them into the awards show for free. EIGHTY FUCKING PEOPLE!!! Dude, USDA has three members. Where the hell do you think you’re going?

Sit Your Ass Down Award: DG Yola

DG Yola is an Atlanta artist (but no, I don’t think he came with Jeezy) signed to Atlantic and he’s been performing his regional hit “Ain’t Gon’ Let Up” for the past two years. This idiot crashed the stage, tried to perform the same song he performed last year and had a fit when the producers cut his mic and escorted him off the stage. Man, sit your ass down (word to Maceo). And no, I just don’t give a fuck if it was birthday.

Damn, This Dude Was Everywhere – Hustler’s Award: Young City

I swear I was in Miami for a week and I saw Choppa (Young City of Making Da Band fame) everywhere I went. The dude was there before me. We pulled up to the host hotel and this dude was valeting cars. I put my bags in my room and came downstairs to get a drink, this dude was the bartender. Went to the club, this dude was working the door. 10 a.m. the next morning, he was setting up tables and chairs for the conference panels. Then, I’m at the awards show and the dude is performing. Now, that’s a hustler.

Where The Hell Were You Award: Uncle Luke

Luke was supposed to get a Lifetime Achievement Award but he was a no-show. Hours before the show, when asked where he was, he answered, “nobody reminded me.” I mean, the dude is about 50, so I understand. Alzheimer’s is a bitch.

Are You Here To Watch Award: Security

I can’t remember the name of the security team (but it’s not like I plan to hire them for anything). They were dressed in bowties and black suits, so I’m pretty sure they were some kinda Nation of Islam affiliates but these brothers didn’t secure a damn thing. They let anyone with a gold chain on get backstage and they spent most of the time trying to sell bean pies and Final Call newspapers.

Damn, That’s Messed Up Homie Award: Grandaddy Souf

Grandaddy Souf caught a beat down from security during an afterparty at Mansion. The club security used excessive force on the underground rapper from Orlando, FL. They left him on the street looking like a rape victim, with his eyeball looking like it was trying to grow another head. Graphic Pic Here From now on, all ass whippings will be referred to as “catching a Grandaddy Souf.”

You Know You Really Didn’t Win That Award Award: Rich Boy

Somehow when the award for Club Banger of the Year was announced, the envelope with the winner was misplaced, so the presenters pretty much just freestyled the winner. Rich Boy’s “Throw Some D’s” was announced as the winner…um, yeah…we’re gonna need that award back, bro. You really didn’t win. Jim Jones did.

Damn, Shawty Looking Good Award: Julia Beverly

I can’t conclude my list of awards without giving it up to the girl that made it all possible. Julia’s outfit is usually white Air Force Ones, blue jeans with a tight top. But at the awards she changed the game and threw on a black dress and heels. The chick cuts my checks but JB is a thick white girl and I’m not afraid to say she was looking rather smashable in her awards show attire.

I could hand out some more awards but that should do it. If you ask me, half of the actual winners didn’t deserve to be awarded, let alone nominated. But I’m a hater like that.